What I Long to Say to My Brothers: I Release You

As a kid I thought my dad was super-human. Until I saw him weep.

As a young woman, I thought my male church leaders were untouchable. Until I saw them crushed by the inhuman weight of their work.

As a young wife, I hoped my husband would be the entire foundation of my security. Until I learned he was a human being.

Now, as a church leader, I see my brothers working under pressure to be strong for me and for the women in their lives.

The Burden and Responsibility

We all have a responsibility to one another, to live up to our part in any relationship and I love watching men who want to be faithful co-workers, fathers, husbands, or leaders. At the same time, I see my brothers feeling a burden to take more responsibility, more weight than is actually required. I see how often it means that my brothers are out of balance in relationships with women—either bearing the weight alone or feeling so overwhelmed by the burden that they flee, defeated. Fight and flight are not the only options.

I see brothers who feel so much pressure to always be strong for the women in their lives that they escape into addictive behaviors.

I see brothers who feel so responsible for their sisters’ spirituality that they feel they have to keep their own wrestling as a guilty secret.

I see brothers who feel so much weight to have all the answers and fix every problem that they secretly carry anxieties which eat away at their hearts.

I see brothers who feel such pressure to provide and protect that it breaks their bodies.

So I Say…

And so I hope it’s not presumptuous to speak on behalf of women but I want to say to my brothers—the women in your life don’t need you to be everything, just to do your part. The women in your life long to partner with you. It may be possible that your wife or female co-worker does not have the expectations you think she has. In fact, she may have something to contribute which would alleviate the pressure you feel. Not only will it release you from that burden, it will invite her voice, her gifts, her strengths so that you can bear the weight of family, church, the world together. Why not ask her what she actually expects from you and what she wants to bring?

So to my Christian brothers I want to say, “I’m sorry for any way I have expected you to be God. I release you from the pressure to be super-human for me. Walk beside me. Let’s figure out together what it means to be humans following the God who is the source of our strength and security.”

This article was written for Missio Alliance and is published with permission.